My room smells like vodka and shame
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
