She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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