he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
