Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
