i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i think my cat just said my name.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i now understand why vodka
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
