What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
