Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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