How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
