We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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