just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
