I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
