why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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