She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
