I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
