As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
