i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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