Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
