I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
