When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
