If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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