??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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