I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
