yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
