Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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