I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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