How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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