you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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