i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
