all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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