your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
