A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
