My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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