i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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