nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like eating out sand paper
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
