I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
