Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
