I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
