do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
