He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
