it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
