I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
