based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
