respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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