Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
