apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
