grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
