im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
