If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
