dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
