In the future we'll all be gay
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
