Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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