is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
