Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
