Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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