I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
