So drunk its hurt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're too hungover to prance.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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