apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
