Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
