Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is the high leading the old right now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
