Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Randomize
