im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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