i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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