Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
