It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
