My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
