Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
