Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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