I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
