ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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