it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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