So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
