i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
