i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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