you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
