JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
