He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize