Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
